E225 Mary Lemza: Ukrainian Volunteer Service Coordinator

Mary Lemza 0:00 It's really important to notice those moments when you feel like something is irritating you, when it just doesn't feel right. And when, when it doesn't feel right. Just close your laptop, take a deep breath, get some water and go for a walk. It's really something that will help you take your mind off of that thing that you're really upset about. And if you take, let's say, even three minutes yourself, if you just stay right there, close your eyes, breathe, it will really help you let go. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:48 This podcast shows that Ukraine is not what foreigners see on television. Together, we will break all the stereotypes about Ukrainians. So that when the flag of Ukraine is lifted anywhere in the world, every one will know Ukraine and its unique culture because today, Ukraine has a dynamic new generation that will change the world. Hello, my name is Aziz and I have a deep connection with Ukraine. My grandfather volunteered in 1987, to help liquidate the Chernobyl chemical radiation because he believed in humanity, he was a real hero for me, and even though he struggled with cancer after that, for the rest of his life, he always told me many great things about Ukraine and its people. Then from 2018 to 2019. For two years, I began working with UNICEF in Ukraine, to help build orphanages for Ukrainian children. And thank you all so much for the support. More than 225 people participated in this project for Ukraine, from the Vice President of the Helen morling group, to the Vice Chancellor of the ugcc church to the president of the Erasmus student network give to the President of the World Trade Center Kyiv, to students from the FLEX program, Ukraine, Global Scholars, Yale University, Harvard and the London School of Economics to the United Nations, to interns at the Ukrainian parliament, and at the Canadian Parliament, to top 1% students in Ukraine. But not only this project is for all Ukrainians, from all backgrounds, so if you wish to participate, send me a message on Instagram at Aziz dot future and join the telegram channel. Give future My goal is to interview hundreds of Ukrainians and the world is listening. This podcast is already top 50 In the United Kingdom, France, Switzerland and Monaco, top 25 and Austria, Germany, Canada, Russia and Poland, top 15 in Australia, Italy, Spain, and Dubai and top 10 In Norway, Sweden, the Netherlands, South Korea, Singapore and in many other places because this is now officially the number one podcast on Apple about Ukraine. Together, we will break the stereotypes together, we will help all other countries discover and respect the greatness of Ukrainian people and this good reputation will support the development of Ukraine, creating more opportunities for every Ukrainian to have a better life. So let's begin. My guest today is Mary Lanza. Mary is a Ukrainian volunteer service coordinator, a flex 2020 alumna in Maine, and soon she will become a student at Lee poach on United World College in Hong Kong as a U WC finalist in 2021. She also participated in the program. The agents are volunteering by Ukrainian volunteer service. Mary has a lot of artistic hobbies for example, her absolute favorite one being theater and art. She also enjoys learning about global issues and taking part in Model UN. Other great hobbies of hers are volunteering, Project making journalism, and attending various webinars, workshops and seminars. Her favorite quote is action may not always is bring happiness. But there is no happiness without action by Benjamin Disraeli. And her favorite food is liquorice plus cacao with coconut milk Shin since he is vegan, and has a great interest in sustainability, Mary, how are you today? Mary Lemza 5:24 Hi, thank you so much for having me. It was really an awesome introduction. And I want to say that I'm a great admirer of your work. And I want to thank you for your passion for Ukraine and its people. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 5:35 Thank you so much. You're absolutely very kind. Later on your mind, tell me if you had any favorite interviews. But for now, I want to focus on your emotional side to understand Mary, from there, when you really want to feel alive, to forget all your troubles to feel your favorite emotions. What do you like to do? Mary Lemza 6:02 Oh, that's a hard question. But I think there are two options here. First, is to go to the nature of being in solitude and maybe with some animals, because that really gives me a lot of power, I'd say. And the other option would be to go and meet people. I know it might sound strange, but I really get a lot of positive emotions from being around like minded people, you know, positive, energized Ukrainian teenagers. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 6:27 We all speak about both. And let's begin first with nature. So when you're there in nature with animals, how do you feel? Hmm? Well, Mary Lemza 6:40 usually, to me, it's about meditating, reflecting, and reading. So I guess you feel at ease. As if the world kind of stopped. It really needs to take a break from hustle culture sometimes. And that word really helps me. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 6:56 I have 1,000,000,001 questions, but okay, let's speak about hustle culture. Are you part of it? Or do you think about it, what's good about it, and what is bad? Tell me all. Mary Lemza 7:10 Actually, I guess I am a part of hustle culture. I am a type of person who is always rushing for those achievements, projects and everything. And that really is hard on me, I'm being hard on myself. Because you know, I always feel like I'm not achieving enough. And I feel like that's what a lot of teenagers are facing. So hustle culture is great, because it helps us be productive, it helps us achieve thing. Oh my god, it helps us achieve things, it helps us push ourselves. However, it can also cause a lot of struggles with mental health. And to me personally, it's been very hard to find the balance between my life between sleep between all the projects, I want to do my work studying and everything of that sort. So there are two, two sides to this issue. Yeah. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 7:59 Tell me about achievement. Is it that you want that achievement? Or is it that achievement are expected? Mary Lemza 8:11 I'd say, hmm. Actually, nobody ever pushed me to achieve anything. I know, many teenagers struggle with expectations. I've never had those expectations towards myself. So I guess it's been just my inner desire to prove that I can see myself and to others. And I guess it's just been interesting, because I really am a curious person. And I just love seeing what I can and cannot do. And every project, every activity I take part parts in is about exploration to me. So I guess this is a passion of mine. And achievements is just something that makes me feel a life Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 8:52 makes you feel alive. And if you were to reflect on a way to explore that respects, your mental health and that could be even better. In some ideal world or parallel universe. What could this way be that will help you explore who you are without hassle? Mary Lemza 9:19 I guess me without hustle would be the same person. But the one who can balance well and doesn't have pronouns because you know, when you have a lot going on, you have three projects you're working on, you also have a job and studying and theater. It can be very overwhelming and you just need to take that step back and just let you have some rest. Let yourself have some rest. And I guess in that perfect universe, I wouldn't be the person who is good at balancing things and just is easier on myself. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 9:55 If someone is burning out if balancing in order Do the same or more the solution? Or could there be another paradigm to see this Mary Lemza 10:08 through? Yeah, there may be a lot of reasons for burnout. There are different types of burnout like emotional, physical, intellectual. And I think when you're facing burnout, it's important to really stop, just take a pause from everything you're doing. Maybe try journaling and to see what the problem is. Because it might be the activity that you don't enjoy anymore. It might be people or your surroundings that make you feel uncomfortable. It may be that you're just working nonstop and not giving yourself enough time to rest. And in my case, it's been for the most time the last one. So yeah, I really think that there are different causes for this and taking a step back to, to relax, maybe something that will not only lead you to being more productive in the future, and keep doing the things that you love doing. But it will could also help you better understand yourself and see what's wrong about the activity that you did that leads that lead to burnout. I hope I'm making sense. Yeah, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 11:21 yes, you're making a lot of sense. And I like it, you're reflecting a lot I can tell. So when you're in nature, you can meditate, you can reflect I don't know whether you do that, as you mentioned now, through journaling, or just daydreaming and thinking. And you said reading. And before that you mentioned spending time around animals. Is that correct? First? Oh, yeah, sure. In my own understanding, meditation and reflection are opposite. What is your definition of meditation? What is your definition of reflection? And how can reading help you? Is it a way to relax to escape? Or is it like your reading philosophy? So it helps you reflect? Or how does that go? Mary Lemza 12:17 I guess it's everything at once, really, your read to slow yourself down first of all, well, in my case, and then you can try meditation to let your brain rest to empty your mind and to stop your thoughts from rushing around. And then you can actually have a reflection because you empty in your head, you know why? And now your mind is clear. And then you're just making more sense to yourself. So I guess that's the way it works for me. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 12:49 Thank you. So when you're rushing, your thoughts are rushing to and therefore you have no time to get a sense of what's going on. But when you slow yourself down, you can look and reflect on those thoughts, and understand the patterns and the causes and the deeper meanings. And therefore both you rise, as well as you learn from experiences to be more productive, and balanced in the future. Did I get this correctly? Perfectly said, thank you and tell me about animals. What do they add to this picture? Mary Lemza 13:29 Oh, actually, I've been having the strangest encounters with animals. It's very fun for me to go to new places in the wild. Like recently, I went to the lake nearby, I recently discovered it exists. And I just said I well, I stopped there. I was reading a book. And then suddenly, a turtle came near. And I just don't have enough words to express how surprised I was to see that turtle but it felt like we had this type of connection. You know, like it looked at me. I looked at her him not sure. But I don't know, just these funny little interactions make me really? I don't know, I feel like I'm not a part of how they say this. It's like, you have this connection with nature that you lack being trapped, trapped in a city. I hope it makes sense. But yeah, that really helps me see that there is more to life than this glass metal summons buildings. Yeah. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 14:35 Yeah, Desmond Morris has a book called The human zoo, where he speaks about cities that animals when they're trapped in their cages in a zoo, they get a feeling of background depression, that they lose their vitality that animals in the wild don't have and therefore humans who are disconnected By building their own zoos, cities wonder why they are living in a state of constant unease or dis ease? And it's because they lost this connection to nature. What are your thoughts on this first? And second, you said you had this connection with this turtle, and you're having the strangest encounters. I don't know whether you're metaphysical or spiritual. But what are your thoughts about those coincidences? Mary Lemza 15:34 Well, to answer your first question, I really have to read that book. It sounds so interesting. And I really do believe that it's not the best is that we trapped ourselves in these cages as you call them. And we really wish that more people could leave could live closer to nature, because I'm not sure if it works for everyone this way. But I myself feel much better when I'm able to go through the woods, or to listen to the sounds of the sea or the ocean. And, yeah, to answer the second question of yours, I am really not sure. I think you just love animals. And I have only one dog. And I just like animals in my life. And that's why I noticed every budget, I sometimes say hi to dogs, whatever. I'm not sure why I'm saying this to you. But um, yeah, I just love animals. They think that's it. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 16:30 Thank you. Actually, I had guests. So sad that animals are better than humans. What are your opinions on this controversial thought? Mary Lemza 16:41 Oh, why are you making me say such hard things? I actually didn't want to comment on this. I don't know. Well, maybe do. In either case, I think that it's probably not right to compare the two. Both can be very nice. In different situations. I guess a shark which ate a human wouldn't be considered very nice as well as a human who probably could have killed someone wouldn't be a very nice person, either. I hope that's an answer. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 17:15 Thank you, philosophically, actually, there will say that animals don't have bad intent. A charcoal eat a human didn't like mean to harm, but a human who does the same or hurt someone, they will have intention. Or, you know, as the French say, on tooth canescens the cause which they use in the when they're going to take someone in front of a judge, that the fact that they committed a crime that was premeditated, adds a lot more than it was like, spur of the moment, unexpected things, and therefore, what makes animals not evil, is that they cannot have philosophically they cannot have bad intent, while evil requires intent that was malicious from the beginning. I don't know if that makes sense. Mary Lemza 18:11 Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. Actually. Thank you for this insight. I think that there are some animals that do harm to other species. Intentionally probably like Hornets, for instance, they destroy bees nests, and they don't have a particular reason to do that. They just do it. So yeah, but that's definitely an interesting observation. And and, and, and thank you, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 18:36 but it's instinctive meaning. That's why you said they don't have a reason while humans will do it for no, like, if someone went around killing people a human. You'll think what's wrong with that with that person? If a tiger went around they'll think okay, something is bad happening. Maybe it was hurt. Maybe it was scared you know what I mean? To ask you, you said two sides so there was the nature side. The other one is spending time with people with young Ukrainian teenagers on the same wavelength and energy and activity level as you what does that give you and what's your favorite part about such people? Mary Lemza 19:23 I might have not said it correctly. It's a just enjoy being around people it doesn't matter whether they are alike or whether they're the same age. I just like talking to people getting to know them probably the way you do cuz hearing your interviews you like getting to know people's soul. So I guess to me, it's pretty much the same. I just love hearing different stories. And honestly, I love asking people questions. I just don't want to do it now to not disrupt the interview. But yeah, I guess that's what gives me a lot of energy. You're just seeing how passionate people are about things they do. And sometimes when you meet people who really enjoy some topics, you can ask them questions and see where it leads. And you could even come up with a project idea from that thought, you know? And those ideas are the best probably. So Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 20:22 how do you evaluate projects? You said, you can have conversations and come up with project ideas out of it? Well, do you go for the low hanging fruit, easy stuff? Or do you bag go for the difficult bets, and the things that have low probability, but why not someone should try them. Mary Lemza 20:45 You know, if we talk about the fruits analogy, I'd say, you know, when you look at the tree, and you're trying to find a fruit, which gives you the greatest motivation to reach, it might not be the best one, but you see it and you know, you want it, it's that fruit, like, it doesn't matter whether it's slow and easy to get, or whether it's like super high, or whether it's pretty or not, you just kind of feel it. Like you, you hear a an idea, you start thinking about it, and you just have that click, like, it just works. And you feel like if you brought it to life, it would make someone happy. And that's when you know, a project is worth going for. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 21:26 It will make someone happy. Tell me why that is important for you. Mary Lemza 21:31 Because I feel like whatever we are doing, or we should be doing this for a reason. And to me personally, when a feel like something I do make someone happier, it makes me happier than if I did this thing to myself, like you know, when you buy yourself a present, you may be happy. But when you give this present to someone else, and they're excited, it makes you even happier. So I guess it's the same for with projects with me. And moreover, with volunteering, for instance, do you usually help people who struggle with something or you help the environment, and just that feel, feeling that you did something great in this world, is something that makes you feel like, you know, there's, there's sense in what you do, and that's great. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 22:21 I want to explore that you actually mentioned two things, making others happy, as well as you're doing something for a bigger cause. But you're speaking about sense. And reason, whether you spoke about before those animals that destroy the Hornet's Nest, or whatever doing it for no particular reason, and et cetera. So why is it important for you that there is a reason for things and that things make sense? Mary Lemza 22:58 Ooh, that might bring me back to the burnout part that we talked about. Because when you don't understand why something is happening, it may be a cause you lose interest for it. And to me, when I stop understanding why I'm doing something, like why should I continue? If I don't feel any? If I don't feel anything towards the subject? Why should I keep doing it? Yeah. I think that's it. It's just about understanding why understanding why something is worth pursuing, or something. Yeah. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 23:42 What will you study in the college you're going to? Mary Lemza 23:48 Are you wondering whether it's philosophy? No. Okay. It's not. I was thinking about journalism, theater, business, marketing. There are a lot of options. And that's the hardest part about being an A student. But yeah, I'm still thinking and I guess my top choice was international relations, because really helps you explore communication, diplomacy, global issues, and a lot of other fields that could be helpful. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 24:23 Thank you. I'm one thing common among all of them is they deal with perspective, especially journalism and marketing, which they call framing or international relations, or country's brands and argumentations, etc. So it's important for you to have reasons, but from all the topics you're interested in, you will learn that you can decide the reason for anything because reality is so complex. There are so many reasons for everything that you can choose whatever reason empowers you or is positive for you. Like, they have this example, where Imagine you're driving in a car, and someone comes behind you, and their red car and they BPP beep, and then they cross you and go faster, then you really stress, you'll think was this stupid person doing. But if you knew, like, they were going, it was like the husband going there his wife given birth in the hospital, and he's running now, you'll think, oh, that's actually a good thing. You know what I mean? It changes your perspective, although the grounded the reality to stay the same? And therefore, to know the why things you're doing things do you need to know from an external source or an objective way? Why you're doing things? Or Can't you just add your own meaning to everything, like, when they found that people who hated their jobs could find a way to connect what they do to their values, they will begin to like their jobs, although they hated it. And the only difference is in their mind, that they're connected, they're action to their values. Therefore, if this is possible with everything, why do you do that? In particular, if you can make anything become a way that is connected to a bigger cause? I hope you know what I mean, because it's really philosophical. Mary Lemza 26:31 Yeah, I do. That is such a great line of thought, Mmm hmm. Yeah, that really is about perspectives. And really, whatever we do, can be connected to a greater cause, you know, like planting a tree, it will produce more oxygen, and therefore it will help the environment, or I don't know, maybe working on a factor in creating some type of products. If it's not single use plastic. It will probably be useful to someone in the world, and maybe will make someone smile and make their day better. So Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 27:06 one second, for your fit is that there is a George Carlin escape that is very funny, even about single use plastic. He said, Well, whatever the earth wanted to bring us just so that we can bring plastic out from it, because he thought that's beautiful. And then we all die yet our purpose. Therefore, that is a perspective that is saying that, yes, the earth wanted us to come so that we extract the plastic, and then we die. And that is our life purpose on this earth. Mary Lemza 27:42 You see, everything has a reason Everything has a meaning if you want to find it. But yeah, what I was trying to say, though, is that, I guess it's more about whether you yourself, find the meaning like you can force yourself to try and justify some actions of yours to find excuse for doing something. But if it doesn't drive you if it doesn't make you feel happy, why should you try to find an excuse for doing that? Why should you try to find an excuse for wasting your Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 28:16 I love, love, love that? Wait? Wait, wait, what is the difference between reason and excuse? Mary Lemza 28:23 Excuse is when you're trying to justify something like when you don't see the reason, but you are forcing yourself to try and find it to say that? Well, it's worth it. Because, you know, but when it's reason you just know it. Like, yeah, I hope I explained it. I'm not sure if they did. But you just Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 28:46 know this is so interesting. So a reason because you see it. So I imagine you're a visual person, and you feel it inside. So you're kinesthetic and emotional at the same time. And excuse is when you think about it with your brain. But there is no body emotions. And there is no seeing the logic. That makes sense in an emotional way. Correct? Yeah, I think so. But someone's reason could be someone else's excuse. And someone's excuse could be someone else's reason. So how does it work? Mary Lemza 29:21 It just works that way. All people are different. You know, we have different priorities in life and to someone creating a toothbrush, let's say maybe something they totally enjoy. Because why not to somebody typing out a book can be the work of their lifetime. And to me, it would probably be boring and I would want to go and rush and achieve and do projects, you know, because that's something that makes me happy and I don't have to find an excuse for myself to be sitting in. I don't know in a factory and making toothbrushes because I don't love that and that doesn't make me happy. Yeah. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 29:58 I like this So if I understood you correctly, when you do what you love, you feel alive, and that makes you happy. And when you do what you love, you see the deeper reason that connects you to something bigger, especially to make other people happy. And when you make others happy, you feel happy as well. And the whole cycle makes you feel alive, correct? Mary Lemza 30:24 Yeah, that's perfect. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 30:27 So tell me projects, what does it mean? How does it work in this way, because if there is a cycle, anything that makes other people happy, makes you happy. And it makes you feel alive. And it's not necessarily a project. But you mentioned the importance of projects for you. So where does it fit within this image? Mary Lemza 30:46 I guess projects are a way of making more people have feared once. And it's also a way to work on some skills. And it's also a great way to meet new people, because many of the projects cited helped me meet amazing, wonderful peers from different fields. And it's just great, because after every project to implement, you have so many new contacts and so many great, amazing people in your life that you could text any time or invite to different projects of yours, so you can make the world a better place together. So I think Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 31:25 I love that. I love it. But I want to speak about theater. Seems to me, it's the same thing. When it comes to theater, you're making the audience happy. You're meeting great actors and people who are passionate, and love what they do. You're having new contacts, and you're developing skills, is this correct? No. But what is the difference than in magnitude or any motions or an experience between doing like a theatrical play or a project? Mary Lemza 32:00 Well, they're absolutely different. Because while theater doesn't necessarily have to make someone happy theater is more about giving people ideas and making them reconsider some things about their lives. Or, to me theater really is a very powerful tool to make people think. And yes, I guess that's what I really value about theater and with projects that can be similar. However, if we talk about emotions, in both cases, I think theater is more about emotions, projects are more about the physical work the to all of that so hard to explain what a hard question. I'm not sure if I have an answer really? Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 32:45 Are you more about emotions? Or about the physical work? Mary Lemza 32:49 I think both? I think it really depends. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 32:53 It depends, or can you be both at the same time, Mary Lemza 32:57 I can do both at the same time, it can be one or the other. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 33:02 And usually, some often people who are emotional are creative, and they don't finish any projects. They begin many are the people who focus on the physical work. They are good at finishing projects, but they're not so creative and emotional. How do you combine both sides of your personality? And was this always the case? Or did you have a situation of growth and integration of both? Mary Lemza 33:29 Yeah, I think it's more about growth, because as you said, All of us are probably having stronger sights. And to me, the stronger side was always emotional creative one. So it's easy for me to come up with new ideas, and have a lot of sticky notes with possible ways to change the world. But when it actually comes to implementation, it requires a lot of patience and hard work. And usually you need a team, responsible people who would help you and bring their ideas and develop those together. So to me, it's always been hard to organize myself. And that's why No, I'm, you know, a control freak, as they call it. And I really like tracking things, striking deadlines, and listing down all the to dues because otherwise I just get lost in my ideas. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 34:20 It's wonderful that you're doing that in order to develop and use the best of every side of who you are. And you said the importance of having a team as well as previously you spoke about in projects, meeting people, getting to know them, having contacts you can message in order to do multiple things, including new projects. Is that the most exciting thing when you meet new people is that you think wow, this will be a perfect team member and that is the most exciting thing, or is there other things that are even more in exciting for you when you meet new people. Mary Lemza 35:02 Well, I don't see people is only your future possible teammates? Not everybody's made for projects, of course. I think you just enjoy being around people and learning about them really? Yeah. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 35:20 You said your love to ask a lot of questions. What kind of questions do you tend to ask new people about? Is it about their backgrounds? Is it about what they have overcome in life? Is it about their opinions? Is it about their visions for the future? Is that about their values? Or something like that relationships? What do you tend to be, like the signature marry kind of questions that you tend to gravitate and be most curious about? Mary Lemza 35:53 I guess, when you're just starting to just meet people, not everybody's open to talking about deep questions like values and opinions. So I usually start with light ones, you know, like day or night tea or coffee, what's your favorite food? What's your favorite quote? And those can be great to start the conversation. But then you can shift into some. Well, I want I like discussing politics. Okay. You know, some people do too, and it can be quite entertaining. You could also discuss, yeah, I think opinions are great. Opinions are great to, to get to know people better. Because when you ask them about certain social issues, their response can say a lot about their background as well, even though you're not asking them directly. And that's how you can learn about their values as well. So that's a tricky way of learning more about people without actually asking direct questions. Yeah. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 36:51 Thank you, and you said you love to discuss, but discussing makes me think more of debating, which is not any really learning from people. So is it more like the Socratic method where you ask them questions in order to change their mind and recruit them to your point of view? So what I'm thinking now, or what do you mean with discussing? How do you learn from them? If you're discussing? Are you easily open to changing your mind? Are you trying to get counter arguments in order to change your thinking? Or are you influencing how they think, especially when it comes to politics? How does it go? Because it can go multiple ways. Mary Lemza 37:34 I guess to me, discussion is just talking probably it's a stronger word that I shouldn't have used. But I really like hearing different opinions from mine, because there's always more than one side to certain issue or the thing or a topic. And it's not about counter arguments or persuading someone because we all deserve to have our unique point of view. And yeah, that's the way you learn that you just listen to people who have different opinions, you analyze those, you try to reevaluate what you have thought was right. And that's how you challenge your own beliefs and become stronger blurring grow become better. And yeah, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 38:20 thank you, you spoke about. I believe that learning and growing seems to be something very important for you were there reflecting in nature, journaling, like you spoke about burnout, discussing with people in order to be exposed to their Counter Point, as well as practicing skills and learning skills and projects? Is this correct? Yeah. How is your daily or weekly routine since you said, you're a control freak? Now, in order to ensure your reflect, learn journal, and extract lessons from your experiences? Do you have time that is scheduled for that? Or how does it happen? Mary Lemza 39:07 Oh, yes, I have tried many things before, but I think my favorite has been time blocking. And many people recommend morning routines to make it less of a decision making time for your brain because our brains really don't want to make many decisions in the morning because it burns a lot of energy, and then plays a bad joke with your creativity. So I tried to have set routines in the morning and then studying well, it usually is studying that in my job than volunteering projects and different activities. It's just varies from day to day because, you know, many activities should be scheduled. I sound like a very busy person, however, I'm not really and it might sound like I'm doing a lot by I'm really not and I I don't want this to sound, oh, I will get into burnout again. But, you know, I feel like nowadays, we all are facing a lot of stress because we feel like we're not good enough. We're not as good as other people are. And what those podcast and to everyone who's listening to this right now, I just want to say that even though we might be feeling like somebody else is all busy and working 24/7, they're not well, most likely they're not if they are, they're superhuman and great for them. However, you don't have to be doing that you like it's best if you just find the pace that works for you. And, you know, be attentive to yourself. I know it may sound very cliche, but you know, love yourself. Don't be like me, don't push yourself around so much. Because that will really make you happier than overachieving, and then not be satisfied, because you're just burned out. So yeah, sorry, that was a long one. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 40:59 No, tell me how do you push yourself around too much? I had actually two guests, who are workaholics similar to you? Once she said she's escaping the feeling of emptiness. And other one said, I refuse to be average. So that was what pushing them to burn out. How do you what is your flavor of pushing yourself around? Because it doesn't sound happy to me, you know, people sometimes they say Why don't you speak about people's achievement. Because it's not linked to happiness, you can be unhappy and the most productive, achievement oriented person in the world. And often it is because people escape that unhappiness. And you can be a happy person who we have a lot to learn from and a lot of wisdom, who might have learned it from failing, actually. And that's really interesting to know, it's not about it's not a reflection of the inner world. What happened with the outer achievement? So I'm more interested in the souls and people's reality in our reality. Mary Lemza 42:15 Yes, definitely. I was wondering that same question about your podcast for so long. Like, why don't you talk about these programs? Why don't you talk about the great things people do. And now I actually understand it, it makes so much sense now. And honestly, I'm so thankful to you for not concentrating on that. Because always hearing how people succeed and how great they are, it's kind of toxic. Well, I don't know, often overwhelms me, and just hearing people be people on your podcast is what makes it so great. Because you don't hear about people's job, you just hear about what makes them happy. And you understand that they're the same people as you are, and that you don't have to have achieved so much and have won so many medals in your 15. You know, cuz I'm not the type of person, I have a single medal for finishing high school with perfect grades. So if it makes anyone feel better, I'm just normal human whole. So watch his Netflix. And that is what makes me happy sometimes. So I think that's very valuable to understand. And what makes you happy. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 43:27 One second, it reminds me I had one girl from flax, I was very active. And at 21 or 22, she burned out, she just stopped you won't do any projects anymore. She said from 14 years old until like, whatever said nine years, so probably she was like 22 or 23 or whatever. Instead, now she doesn't have any more energy drive or desire to do any more projects because she spent all her team life not being a teenager, but being a productive adult. And I thought that's so absolutely sad, especially that it's projects that really won't add. They don't give her a foundation for later on to build anything because she exhausted all herself. And now if like when her life is beginning, she doesn't have what the Chinese called the Jing energy, or that youthful energy. She spent it all on the other projects and she doesn't have it to build her own life and I thought wow, that is too much. Not only her, but also a few flex people who decided to stop the walk around in the woods more rather than to be rushing from meeting to meeting and project to project and to be asked me what makes me happy. I judge my day by three things. When I do my nightly earn? Which is, did I make the life of someone else a bit better that day? Did I grow 1% More that day. And did I have moments that I consider to be meaningful and happy and that day, and if I have those three, then that's a successful day. And that's really what matters. Its inner peace and happiness, its growth to become better, but not coming from a place of thinking, while I'm broken, or incomplete, and I need to become better. In order to fill that, like, it's more about, I am good. And I'm excited about the potential I can be. And also life, you mentioned the importance of happiness, and making like impact in people's lives. And it's, they did scientific studies, and they found, the highest quotient of happiness comes when someone does something that makes another person happy, because they become happy, the person is happier. And any person watching becomes happy as well, which is a really wonderful thing. And to ask you, then again, you said, when you want to feel alive, you'd like to speak with people and understand them, as well as you like to sit in nature, in order to reflect to meditate, and or read, as well as being with your turtles and the various animals and to be outside of the city. You chose to be vegan? Well, it's your time to promote it, and convince people, if you were to tell people why they should care more about sustainability, who are they why they should become like, consider becoming vegan, what would you say? Mary Lemza 47:03 You know, I really don't like forcing people to become vegan or be more thoughtful about sustainability, even though it's very important. I think we all Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 47:15 actually, one thing, I remember a hedge fund manager was saying that most smart, really good people are too shy, while stupid people are very confident. And therefore the world is filled. Like many people, if you find who became successful, you'll find that often people who are smart, think about all the ways they're not perfect. All the ways things can go wrong. And therefore they're like, have this paralysis of analysis or even fear. While people who are not smart enough to see the problem that dangerous, just go rush ahead. And they get lucky sometimes. And they become like, celebrated as heroes and high achievers. And therefore no, say this is your time. Remember that the listener has the choice. You're not like taking and forcing them to listen, if someone is interested, they will listen. If not, they will do those something or they're thinking. Because I remember that was a really smart, smart girl who was like, I feel very shy to post on social media, because I don't want to take people's time. You know, if I post something about projects, and then I don't know if they know, but the stupid people are posting like almost naked pictures all day long. And they're not shy about it. And she's like, afraid to write about some really cool project that people will be interested in. No, be brave, reclaim this, you know, it's right, your time to reclaim it from the people who are not even smart enough to be afraid, or to be shy or embarrassed and just share your truth why you personally became vegan. Why do you care about sustainability and maybe your own reasons will impact others? Mary Lemza 49:08 Well, I guess to me, it all started with love for animals. Since I was very young. I always wondered where the meat comes from. And when I started to think about it just a thought of an animal having to die for me, was unjustifiable. And I knew my parents, I know that they would never allow me to go vegan because well, there is this misconception that a human can not be healthy and strong and life and have a normal childhood while being vegan. However, that is not true. There have been multiple research has done on that and even pregnant women can have an absolutely happy life and happy child while being vegan. So it's all about research. It's about finding your own reasons. And you know, many people ask me whether I want meat and I don't because Even though I remember that it tastes good and everything, it's just about understanding why you do something, it's about the reason that we talked about before. And, to me, it's really about cruelty, that cannot be justified because I can survive, I can live happily without any living creature having to die for me. And, you know, just thinking that an animal had to lose their life, or struggle their whole life in the cage, or being taken away from their parents, or, you know, and knowing that all that had to happen just so you can have this one meal that you can, well, there are so many substitutes to meet to cheese to dairy, and they can be just as healthy, just as tasty or just as delicious. And I don't think that that's good enough of an excuse that you wanted your taste buds to feel something, you know. So to me, it's really about preventing cruelty. And then come the other reasons like benefits for environment. And I don't want to go into statistics and everything, even though I could because I know it won't persuade many people. But I just recommend you watch some documentaries, there are plenty of good ones that was Pharisee is a good one. For instance, I'm not sure if that's considered an advertisement. It's not. But really do your research and see if it's something that you really wanted to because it will help you not only be easier on the environment, which is a very crucial topic. And you can see climate change is real. But it's also something that will make you yourself feel better. Because when you go to bed, like is it a Z set today, it's about being one person better. It's about having those meaningful moments in life and making someone's life better. And someone's life can be not just life, human, but a life of a happy animal, you know? So, yeah, just bring positivity to the world and don't cause suffering. Well, I'm not saying you're causing suffering, I'm sorry, if I made you feel bad. But yeah, I should keep going with this. I really started feeling shy and everything. But yeah, really, it's about doing your research and seeing what reasons work best for you. And then if you feel like it's something that you want to pursue, if it's something you believe in, then just go for it. Join the community of vegans. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 52:34 Thank you, that was a great speech, and your shyness was endearing. So two things now to add even more, because I don't want to end this. Now. I want your first to share people who are impressed because I remember I was speaking to a really cool entrepreneur from Ukraine. He had like the biggest robotics company. And I told him there is a worship of, of entrepreneurs, whether Elon Musk or whatever, but they forget. And I did study this a lot. all successful people had a lucky moment, that really changed their life. So it wasn't hard work. And they're like, all hard working. Often. It's the things not in the plan in our plans that change everything. Whether meeting someone unexpectedly or hearing from someone about a new opportunity. I don't know how your flex experiences, but I'm pretty sure you didn't have a plan, like five years plan that was okay. At the end of five years, I will be ready to go to flex that was quicker than at least hopefully. So he said a classmate of his he was working on a robotic thing said there is a competition they can join. He joined it and won the first prize and received, like funding for his business and was coached by the best business minds in Europe. And that is how his business started. If he didn't go to that competition. It wasn't him because he was working 80 hours a week or whatever he was, but he said because he loves his work more than his family. But if he worked like 10,000 years without that lucky break, he wouldn't be much further. But often it is or Elon Musk. What happened is he was in state where they gave him like tax subsidies and funding for his Tesla, et cetera. And that helped him a billion times that made him so much potential and ability if it wasn't the case, that he will get those breaks and be at the right time and the right place. He wouldn't be the Elon Musk of the day, or Bill Gates, while his mother knew the people who worked at IBM and got him a meeting so that they Well buy Microsoft Windows for the first time for IBM, like all that stuff. It's, it's not like they're superhuman, working 24 hours a day. Yes, do your best. Take care of yourselves, do what you're passionate about and what you love. But understand that often the difference between you and those with the highest achievement is that they happen to have heard of the right opportunities, or they happen to be in the right place at the right time. And therefore, don't take for yourself. The outer achievements are a measurement of your value worth and effort no seeing yourself, am I better than I was yesterday. That's it. If society like Krishna Murthy said, it's not a measure of mental health to be fully adjusted to a profoundly sick society. leave you with that. Now me please. Your thoughts about achievement as well as mental health how to improve it, especially because of the pandemic. doing too many people feel stuck. They feel hurt, they feel depressed. Mary Lemza 56:15 Whoa, that was such a great feature of yours. And you genuinely loved it so much. It gave me so many insights. And I just want to comment on that event before I move on to the questions. And you talked a lot about knowing about the right opportunities. And there is such thing as such concept as unfair advantages. And it's basically about you growing up in a great neighborhood, or maybe you knowing someone that somebody else's doesn't. Somebody else doesn't know, like the story you told about somebody's mother and went IBM. Anyway. Yes. So Bill Gates, yes, thank you. And it's also about saying yes to opportunities, like we talked about being shy, very smart people doubting themselves for no reason, because we think we're not good enough. You know, if I thought my English wasn't good enough, even though I did when I first applied to flex, I would have never been who I am today. And just taking that leap into the unknown, is maybe something that will turn your future upside down. And I mean, in a good way. So saying yes, and exposing yourself to opportunities, forgetting about being shy is really something that can change your life and, you know, make you a second Elan musk, or for a future. And yeah, about mental health. We talked a lot about taking the break, taking that step back and letting yourself be you not rushing anywhere, even though it can be hard and intimidating. Trust me no. Yeah, it's really important to notice those moments when you feel like something is irritating you, when it just doesn't feel right. And when it doesn't feel right. Just close your laptop, take a deep breath, get some water and go for a walk. It's really something that will help you take your mind off of that thing that you're really upset about. And if you take, let's say even three minutes yourself, if you just stay right there, close your eyes, breathe, it will really help you let go. I know you might feel silly, especially if there are people around you. But just try doing it and see if it works for you. If it doesn't, you can try journaling. You can try anything really there are so many ways to deal with stress. But really try this simple thing. Just give yourself a break, close your eyes and breathe. And that's what really could help you feel better. Like like that. Yeah, I'm not sure if that's very helpful advice. But please try that. And do know those little moments of anxiety or stress is really something that can prevent larger and greater and worst thing from happening. And we talked about burnout before I keep coming back to this but really control that and deal with stress before it grows into burnout. And before burnout grows into depression, because then it will be quite heavy and hard to deal with. Yes, because he is do you have any advice on that? Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 59:22 Yeah, actually today Pressfield Steven Pressfield who is from the the author of The War of Art, where he speaks about inner resistance to creativity and how to overcome it. But I love the quote that he said he said the false US economy is trying to do more when you're tired, because then you cannot give your all the next day. So when he begins to make mistakes, he will stop and end the day of work. No matter what because he knows If he keeps on going, first, the work will be less valuable. And no, but I try that I thought I heard of those people work like 20 hours a day or whatever. And I thought for one week, I will do that. I'll see what happens. And the first day he was absolutely amazingly productive. But then the second day, it will take me like 10 hours to do what I used to do in one hour. Just it wasn't it was like too distracted. With too unfocused, you might even like, by the fourth day, I would read the sentence, but I cannot even comprehend. And I'm like, Dude, this is not normal. What are these people saying? When they say we work all the time? But then I guess, all those people who say that we are like billionaires, so maybe they're like in a Jacuzzi? No, you know what I mean? Like speaking to their assistants telling them what to do? And they're like, Yeah, are you working 20 hours in a day, while I'm on my yacht, you're not relaxing? Yes, that's all the work. But if you really sit in a desk for 20 hours, or 16, or whatever, your back will kill you. It will be like, too much. It's not really realistic. We're humans. We're not robots. I spoke with this German entrepreneur who said, for a longest time, he was working so hard, because he wanted people to think that he's great. And to say, Wow, he's so impressive. And he's such a hard worker. But then when he achieved all his goals, he felt lost, because he said, I have been working so hard. But I didn't take care of my happiness. And now he doesn't know what makes him happy. He knows nothing except to do more work. But he doesn't have great relationships with people because all they know is work relationships. He doesn't know what hope is, he will love. So he said that often, it's not worth it. Because when you arrive to what you think your goal is, but you sacrifice your life and your happiness, all you ended up with is, yes, maybe more money and more achievement. But when that loses the meaning, when other people's validation is meaningless to you because you cannot feel happy, then you will regret every single hour you spent working. And that is not worth it at all. Mary Lemza 1:02:26 Oh, yes, definitely. are not even Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:02:29 only him, even the vice president of Helen modeling group. He said he worked so hard, but he didn't feel he wasn't feeling himself, because he was hiding all his emotions. And now he just wants to stop working, go to India meditate in order to find themselves, and I thought that's really hard. Mary Lemza 1:02:50 Yeah, there is a very good book called The Four Hour Workweek. I'm not sure if you've heard about it. But it's very Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:02:59 Tim Ferriss. Of course we have like, one of the most famous board fans. Mary Lemza 1:03:03 Yeah, it's fast book. And he talks a lot about fear and how it's preventing people from going after their dreams and how they're stuck doing something they don't enjoy, just because of the fear. And he has a wonderful example of a guy who was very afraid of being poor, and like having nothing to eat or whatever. And this guy just took off to Africa, he went to, I don't remember which country Exactly. And he went to Africa, and he loved the whole entire year eating what was it corn soup, like he ate the same thing every day. And it tasted so much better than whatever he could have eaten back in his home country, because he was surrounded by a local community who were so fun to be around with. And like, he just felt great, because he didn't have to rush and follow this hustle culture and the someone who he's not making back so much happier than he left there. And he understood that whatever he feared, wasn't as scary as he thought it was. And that was what really helped him find himself and be excited about what he does. And yeah, sometimes we all need to take that step, first step to whatever might be scaring us and see where it leads. Because you never know. You never know unless you try. Yeah. And another thing, there is a concept of deep work. And since Aziz talked so much about how people work hard and not smart. I want to touch on that too. The concept of deep work is basically about it's about time blocking, kind of, so like you have four to two hours, let's say of work and no distractions, like put your phone away, turn off music, and just concentrate on what you do. Because usually if we work for a very long time, it's distractions that take us that long, because we are not fully concentrated. And so if you want to learn more about deep work, Google it But that's really something that could be helpful. Yep. During the practice ease. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:05:06 Thank you. I recommend the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, which is a practical guide to personal freedom. That will be absolutely fantastic. I recommend it to all people. And I like what you're saying about deep work. But I will say that the secret to productivity is to do what you love. So if someone is being too distracted while they do everything, yes, they might need to rise that is essential. But it could be that they're doing, what their parents want them to do, or what society they think will value or will make them look cool, but not their true purpose and their heart's desire. Thank you, Mary. If people want to follow you to learn more about you, where should they go? What is the best place, as well as the Ukraine volunteer service? If you can speak a little bit about that? Before we end? Mary Lemza 1:06:09 Yeah, sure. I will touch on Ukrainian volunteer service first. Basically, we are applied for him and an organization which promotes and develops volunteering in Ukraine. So if you're interested in finding your first volunteering or exploring this world for yourself, please go to Ukraine openings, couple underscores but or you can go to voluntary support forum. You can just look it up and different volunteering opportunities from all around Ukraine will be right in front of your eyes. Yeah, we also have Instagram and Facebook so you can find us there as well. And if you want to find me to ask me anything about volunteering about mindfulness without really any topic we touched on today, or just talk, you can look up Mary Lanza in on Instagram. Yeah, it's one word. So it's pretty easy to find. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:07:05 Enjoyed before we finish I interviewed from flex and subarctic who did eight different internships. And she was saying the same as you that it's not about working too hard or thinking she's working 24 hours a day. She also sometimes is procrastinates, or gets lazy, although she doesn't take weekends off, which is not good. That's why she says like, people think maybe she's so smart, in order to get all those great internships, but no, she sometimes gets lazy, she sometimes is not productive. But also she is willing to sacrifice her weekends in order to do that. And for some people, don't think because it's not your life is not her life. If for you sacrificing the weekend is not worth it. Nobody can tell you that is wrong. You know what I mean? Like there is an author, he has a book called be obsessed or be average. No, that is put into extremes. You can be happy, you can be happy walking in the woods and just not having any medals. That's good enough. You don't need anything, in order to be happy, other than what makes you happy. If hustling during that day makes you happy. Do it if the next day you will be happier walking by the lake or the beach, then do that. And live because we only have now the past is gone. We cannot change what we did in the past. The future we can only like influence it. But there is a lot of randomness and chaos and luck involved. But you're not guaranteed the next moment. So be happy now. That's all remember, happiness is not something we get is something we remember to do by doing what our heart calls us to do. And sometimes that is to lay and read a book on the beach or whatever you want that cost nothing. You can go to a park, sit in a park, look at people and be the happiest person in the world. You don't need to be the CEO, or NASA astronaut or something, or to be worthy as a human being. Mary Lemza 1:09:27 Yeah, that is absolutely true. And to briefly add to that, I will only say that if you ever feel that little spark or a desire to do something, just go for it. If you feel like you want to record a YouTube video, if you feel like you want to try acrylics. If you feel like you want to go for a walk, just do it and see where it brings you. And thank you so much Aziz for this amazing interview. I'm so glad that there are people like you who bring happiness to other people's lives. And I really hope that this podcast is helpful to someone out there and helps them become happier. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:10:06 Thank you, Mary. It's my pleasure, my honor, my privilege, and I wish you a great day. Thank you. Mary Lemza 1:10:13 Thank you. You too. Have a wonderful day.